Sunday, February 23, 2020

ron padgett | excerpts from 'how to be perfect'



                                                       Everything is perfect, dear friend.
                                                                                     —KEROUAC

Get some sleep.

Don't give advice.

Don't be afraid of anything beyond your control. Don't be afraid, for
instance, that the building will collapse as you sleep, or that someone
you love will suddenly drop dead.

Eat an orange every morning.

Hope for everything. Expect nothing.

Take care of things close to home first. Straighten up your room
before you save the world. Then save the world.

Make eye contact with a tree.

Don't stay angry about anything for more than a week, but don't
forget what made you angry. Hold your anger out at arm's length
and look at it, as if it were a glass ball. Then add it to your glass ball
collection.

Be loyal.

Do not spend too much time with large groups of people.

If someone murders your child, get a shotgun and blow his head off.

Expect society to be defective. Then weep when you find that it is far
more defective than you imagined.

Look at that bird over there.

Don't expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to.

Be on time, but if you are late do not give a detailed and lengthy
excuse.

Don't think that progress exists. It doesn't.

Do not practice cannibalism.

Imagine what you would like to see happen, and then don't do
anything to make it impossible.

Forgive your country every once in a while. If that is not possible, go
to another one.

If you feel tired, rest.

Do not wander through train stations muttering, "We're all going to
die!"

Don't be depressed about growing older. It will make you feel even
older. Which is depressing.

Do one thing at a time.

Keep your childish self alive.

Answer letters promptly. Use attractive stamps, like the one with a
tornado on it.

Be good.

Use Colgate toothpaste in the new Tartar Control formula.

Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.

Do not go crazy a lot. It's a waste of time.

Dig a hole with a shovel.

Don't read the newspaper more than once a year.

Learn how to say "hello," "thank you," and "chopsticks"
in Mandarin.

When there's shooting in the street, don't go near the window.